Relationships

Where to even begin on this one…  I’ve learned a lot about relationships in the last year.  I’ve lost the biggest relationship I had in my life. Other friendships have ended or changed.  I’ve gained new relationships, while others have grown.  This aspect of my life has been and continues to be a roller coaster in my life.

My marriage/separation/divorce.  I struggle greatly with what to share here.  Part of me just wants to put it all out there, share everything, but prudence tells me that would not be the wise thing to do.  But at the same time I certainly can’t ignore it, It has been a large part of who I am and where I am right now.  So, I’ll just share some thoughts on marriage.  First, really appreciate what you have, don’t wait for it to be gone before you realize exactly what you have lost.  Second, communicate, and realize communicating is a two way street.  If your spouse tells you that you aren’t meeting a need of theirs, or they need something more from you, HEAR IT.  Don’t just say “Oh, okay” and move on.  Do something about it!!!  And lastly make sure your priorities are straight.  Your relationship with the Lord should always come first, but a very close second should be your spouse.  Then the rest of your family followed by everyone else.  If you get this mixed up it is a recipe for disaster.

Along with the above comes the loss or change of other friendships.  I’ve lost many friendships, some perhaps temporarily, others maybe forever.  Almost all of my friendships have been affected in some way or another.  Again, let me reiterate my previous sentiment; don’t take for granted what you have, because you never know when it might be gone.

My new job has provided a new relationship for me: the most awesome boss I’ve ever had.  I don’t just say this to kiss up to him (but that doesn’t hurt either)…  Bill has supported me through a lot of crap.  He has seen potential in me, and allowed that potential to grow.  It’s nice to have a boss that actually cares about you as a person, and not just the role you fill within the company.

While dealing with everything I’m going through I’ve had some really big supporters that are helping me through it.  I’ve had support going through my unemployed time, I’ve had support through my marital problems, I’ve had people pushing me in my spiritual walk.  I know that I can’t name everyone who has in some way helped support me in any of these ways in the last year.  So if you are reading this and it applies to you, THANK YOU.

Reflecting again

So for the better part of the last 3 years I was unemployed.  You don’t really appreciate the stability that having a regular schedule and responsibilities give you until you don’t have them.  In August I got a call from a buddy about a possible opening with Maxwell’s.  Long story short 2 days later I had the job.

In my past I have worked at several jobs where I didn’t like my job or didn’t like my co-workers or didn’t like my boss.  I am very very lucky that in I have problems with none of those where I am now.  I look forward to going to work every day.  Even some weekends, I even look forward to Monday so I can go back to work and hang out with Bill and Orion and go see my customers.

On top of all of that I feel like I am an asset to the company.  I feel like the work I do and the contacts I make do good for the business.  I go home each evening with the feeling like I have accomplished something that day.

I figure at this point I’ve probably brown nosed enough(right, Bill?)…  I guess what I’m saying is that sometimes you really don’t appreciate something until you don’t have it anymore…

Reflections

So I figure it’s that time of year where I should look back over the past year and reflect on it.  Over the next couple of nights I will pick something significant in my life and reflect upon it.

 In the past year I have lost 70lbs.  Think about that.  That’s 7 10lb bags of potatoes.  That is a barbell with 12.5lbs on each end.  That’s almost a case and a half of paper.  I couldn’t imagine trying to just live life carrying that around right now.   The first 40lbs was done on my own, and took about 3 months to drop.  Then I went about 6 months gaining back about 10lbs.  I just completed a boot camp at Next Generation Fitness (www.wemeltyou.com) (thanks to my boss for the referral) and during that 8 week period I dropped another 40lbs.  The difference is incredible.

The first big difference I’m seeing is in my energy level.  I’m playing racquetball a couple hours a night 3-4 nights a week.  When we’re done playing I’m generally not fatigued.  In the past if I were to try to do something like that, I would have to beg off at ½ an hour or so for fear of having a heart attack.  Tonight I played full court basketball for over an hour and a half, and still felt good afterwards…

The other difference I see is in my size.  During the boot camp I lost 6 inches off of my waist.  I’m pulling clothes out of my closet I haven’t worn in years.  Last week I pulled out a sport jacket I haven’t worn since I was in college 12 years ago(don’t ask me why I still have it, but I’m glad I did). 

I have been out of the boot camp for about 3 weeks now.  And to be honest, I have been eating what I wanted when I wanted without any restraint.  With the exercise I’m doing I am currently maintaining my weight.  Next Tuesday I will get back on the boot camp eating plan and start busting out some more pounds.  My ultimate goal is about 85lbs away.  I hope to complete it in the next year.

If anyone is really serious about losing some weight let me know and I’ll give you a referral to Next Generation.  You can’t argue with the results, they definitely know what they are doing there.

Aloneness vs. Loneliness

It doesn’t take much to change from the word aloneness to the word loneliness, you just have to remove one vowel and add another.  It doesn’t take much to change from one condition on the other either.

Just a couple weeks ago I had a weekend, where I found myself home alone 2 consecutive nights.  All of my family and friends just had other things going on.  The first night I was able to be content in my aloneness.  I was able to catch up on some things I had let get behind.  I was able to do some extra Bible study.  I read some out one of the books I was currently reading.  I was content to be on my own.

The very next night was a complete and total different story.  I couldn’t focus on anything other than feeling overwhelming loneliness.  I tried reading a book.  I tried studying in my Bible.  I tried watching TV.   Nothing, I couldn’t focus on anything other than the fact I was sitting alone, all by myself, with no one else. 

What changed in a night?  To be honest I don’t know.  The first night was a Saturday, I made the best of my aloneness.  The next night was a Sunday night.  I went to church Sunday morning, had lunch with friends and took a nap earlier in the day.  Then came Sunday night, and there I was just absolutely wallowing in loneliness.  I don’t think I had much of an attitude change, if anything I would have thought my attitude was better than the previous day.

If you know the difference in the two nights, please share.  I would certainly like to avoid another night of overwhelming loneliness.  But, until someone shares the answer with me I will do my best to be content when I find myself alone.

Trusting God's Promises.

Lately I have been clinging to verses like Jeremiah 29:11 (For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future) and Romans 8:28 (And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him). 

The verses are very clear in their promises, but sometimes it is hard to see past our present.  It seems that our present is so big and painful that it is difficult to imagine that it is going to lead to a future worth hoping for.  Sometimes it is hard to imagine that God is working for my good despite what I am going through. 

I can look at my past and see that He has never let me down before.  Even when times seemed really bad, I know that in the end I have never been let down.  I know I’ve been in places where I felt that I had been completely abandoned by God, yet before I knew it I felt Him close and saw Him working.

So why is it that I can find myself in a place where my present circumstances seem so big and hairy that I doubt Him and His ability to overcome everything?  I know His promises, and I know my past experience, but I yet I still doubt.  Maybe it is because I’m scared of what is in His best interest for me.  Maybe it doesn’t look like what I want it to look like.  Maybe because I know it might be painful to get there. 

For now I will do the best that I can to truly trust that He “plans to prosper me and not harm me, plans to give me a hope and a future.”