Long time no blog...

So it’s been a while since I blogged.  But for most of that time, nothing exciting really happened.  That changed a lot within the last week or so.  Last Saturday I moved into my apartment.  It’s a big 1 bedroom in Bloomington.  It has a nice little patio out the back door with about 20 feet of grass and then a small wooded area.  When I got home tonight and was walking in there were 2 deer in my back yard. It will be perfect to just go out the back door and walk the dogs (which I get back on Sunday).  On site it has a 24 hour fitness center, which includes a racquetball court (no need for a membership to the Y anymore), and an indoor heated pool and hot tub.

When I moved in I adopted one of the cats back.  I had stopped into the shelter a couple of weeks earlier and asked them if they still had any of them, they still had all 3.  I asked them which was the least likely to be adopted and they told me Spazz.  Apparently he was very stand offish and wouldn’t let people pet him.  So he’s my new roommate.  I was worried about how he would adapt, because I was never his favorite, but he has adjusted quite well.  He always wants to be in my lap and sleeps in the bed right next to me at night.  I suppose it’s possible that between me being the only person here and it being much better here than the shelter that he has no choice but to like me.  Here he is wanting to take a nap on me during a lunch.

I kinda figured that when I moved into my apartment and was living by myself I would feel sad or lonely, but it hasn’t been that way.  Granted I haven’t even been here a week yet, but it feels pretty natural, for the time being.  To be honest this is really the first time I’ve been out on my own, all by myself.  Even in college I was in the dorms.  I really am quite surprise how well I’m adapting and how natural it feels.   I’ve had little opportunity to entertain yet, so if anybody is ever in Bloomington and wants to come chill with me at my apartment give me a shout.

A confession...

So, I have a confession.  It really pains me to admit this.  Months ago, if someone confessed this to me I would judge them.  And to be honest, I probably have judged other people for this already.  Before I started, the idea of it just felt wrong, it almost repulsed me.  But…  Now that I have tried it, I’ve found that I really like it, and I can’t seem to get enough. 

As you may have (or likely haven’t) noticed that I haven’t blogged for a while.  It’s because a big part of my free time has been occupied with this thing.  It seems like every time I sit down with free time, I just turn to this.  So here it goes:

I love the Harry Potter books.

I just can’t put them down.  I started reading them because I’ve been badgered by so many people that I needed to read them.  So, to appease them I started reading the first book.  Really, it was my thought that I would get through the first book and then be able to say I gave them a try and hated them.  But I don’t.  In fact I quite enjoy them.  The subject of Wizards and Witches has never interested me in the slightest, but despite that I really like them.

So there it is, my deep dark secret… (or at least one of them)

Learning to Ride a Bike

So I haven’t blogged for a while.  A lot of that has to do with a fear of laying it all out there.  It’s hard to come up with topics that you can share a little bit of yourself, but still not really expose too much.  Well, I guess I’m going to try to take a step out of my comfort zone here.

You wanna know what scares me?  At some point in the future, (which I don’t know when will be) I’m going to start dating and looking at starting relationships.  Actually, this doesn’t scare me, it terrifies me.  Some will think that this doesn’t seem like all that big of a deal.  But they don’t really know much about my past.

To be honest, I’ve only been in one long lasting serious romantic relationship.  And even thinking back about it, I’m not really sure how it developed, it just did.  I don’t really remember analyzing things and trying to figure out where I stood and where I thought it was heading.  Will I know if/when a woman is really in love with me?  Thinking about my past, I don’t feel like I will. 

Because I have this fear of not being able to read where I stand in a relationship, I’m scared of not knowing if something is there or not.  People have told me, it’s like riding a bike, it’ll all comeback once I end up there.  My fear is that I haven’t learned to ride that bike yet.  I’m 33 now, and I don’t want to skin my knees trying to learn. 

That’s what scares me...

Chris Rock & Joe Pesci

So this past weekend I got a nice letter from the Lawrence County Circuit Court informing that I was required to attend a “Family Court Facilitation Project Intake Conference.”  And then there was the important part of it.  Make sure each of you have $20.00 in cash with you, or be prepared to answer to the judge as to why you didn’t pay the money.  It kinda reminded me of a scene from a movie.

WARNING, THIS SCENE HAS EXTREMELY FOUL LANGUAGE

I realize that some people going through a divorce have much more money and belongings than Jennifer and I.  And I also realize that many couples going through a divorce hate each other and can’t agree on anything.  Jennifer and I are not like that, we are at a minimum civil, and I would say we are at least friendly.  Neither of us has a lawyer and neither of us are fighting for anything.  But we are required to go to this “conference” to tell them how we have already decided to split everything up.  And then they will make another appointment where we get to go back again.  Oh and don’t forget to bring the money.  I don’t know how much it costs to file for divorce, but I know it is at least close to $200.00, but now they want more…

It really kinda irritates me that I have to waste what is going to amount to almost ½ a day and pay them to sit through this…

The new me and Shaq

So through all that has went on in the last year or so, I am discovering a new Jason.  Oddly though, this new Jason looks a lot like an older version.  But the older version went by a different moniker…  Most of the people who knew me back then called me Shaq.  

There is probably a good chunk of you who have come into my life well after I had tried to end this, so I should explain some.  In high school and college I had a nickname; it was Shaq (thanks Sammy Martin).  And when I say nickname, it is really an understatement.  It was just want everyone called me, including a lot of my teachers and professors.  I still have a very small, very close group of friends who still call me this periodically.  When they do this, I both cringe and warm inside.  By no means am I asking people to start calling me that again, but if you do I’m not asking you to stop either, I appreciate it (kinda)…

The biggest common factor between Shaq and the new me is self confidence.  I mean, really, it takes a some self confidence to introduce yourself as Shaq.  Especially when it is a college professor asking what you would like to be called. 

When I was in high school, I always wanted to be somewhere doing something with people.  I could make people laugh better than most.  Then sometime over the last 12 years that went away.  I don’t know when, and I don’t know why, but it got to the point where I would come up with lies to avoid being around people.  Well, slowly and surely I’m finding this new old me. 

I feel like a different person than I was even 6 months ago.  I can point at a variety of different factors.  The first reason is my faith.  I spent a long time looking for my affirmation from people instead of God.  The second reason is a large loss in weight.  I look much slimmer than I used to, I’m buying new more trendy clothes instead of wearing the same old stuff I’ve always worn.  I don’t know how many times I’ve told people that “I know I look good” in the last couple of months, but that is something that I never would have thought before, let alone said out loud.  Another reason is encouraging words from my friends and family.  A lot of times I think people underestimate the power of positive words.

Thanks to my friends for their encouraging words.

Jason (AKA Shaq)

Opinions and Buttholes

To borrow a quote (and slightly modify it), opinions are like buttholes, everyone has one and they think everyone else’s stinks… 

So, if that is the case, why are so many people concerned with everyone else’s opinions?  Or more specifically, why am I so concerned about what everyone else thinks about me?  I mean really, it seems like everything I do, I think about what others will think of it, or me.  Sometimes I wonder, am I the only one like this, or is everyone like this as well.

Seriously, it seems like everything I do, I have to process it through my filter. 

Okay, so I’m going there, what should I wear?  What will people think of what I’m wearing? 

Okay, I’m talking to this person, how can I word what I’m about to say to make me look better, or even less bad?

In reality, there are really very few opinions that matter.  There are the opinions of my friends and family, who love me and are only concerned about my well being.  There is my opinion of myself.  And most importantly there is the opinion of God.  As long as I am pleased with myself and am doing my best to please God, and not doing things to hurt my friends and family, why does it matter what anyone else thinks.  And why should I let it dictate what I say, do or wear?

But then again, that is much easier said than done, huh?

Tebow. A great witness?

So, yesterday I was watching the end of the Denver Broncos game, and on the last play I came out of my seat and hit a chandelier I was so excited.  Did I mention that it was a Denver Broncos game?  If I were ranking my favorite NFL franchises they certainly would not be in my top 5, possibly not my top 10.  But here I am yelling and standing during the last play of the game.  I think that much of Tim Tebow.

All of that said, I wonder if maybe he should tone his Christian actions and statements back some.  I’m afraid that between how much he does, and how much the media seems to blow it out of proportion that he could come across as a fake.  Don’t get me wrong, I am not questioning his authenticity, I believe he is the real deal.  But I try to put myself in the shoes of a non-Christian looking at this.  How many non-Christians see the Christians they interact in their day-to-day lives with acting like Tim Tebow?  If you make a big sale, do you go to one knee?  If you find a good deal on widgets for your employer and you are telling a coworker about it, do you give credit to “Your Lord and Savior?”

Well, maybe the problem really isn’t really with Tim Tebow.  Maybe the problem is with all the other Christians.  What if all the Christians out there took more pride in their affiliation with Jesus Christ.  What if we acknowledged Him more in our day-to-day lives and actions?  What if we weren’t ashamed or self-conscious about our “Lord and Savior?”  Which would have a greater impact, Tim Tebow, or all of the other Christians in the world?  And would the media then ride Tebow like they do?