So I haven’t blogged for a while. A lot of that has to do with a fear of laying it all out there. It’s hard to come up with topics that you can share a little bit of yourself, but still not really expose too much. Well, I guess I’m going to try to take a step out of my comfort zone here.
You wanna know what scares me? At some point in the future, (which I don’t know when will be) I’m going to start dating and looking at starting relationships. Actually, this doesn’t scare me, it terrifies me. Some will think that this doesn’t seem like all that big of a deal. But they don’t really know much about my past.
To be honest, I’ve only been in one long lasting serious romantic relationship. And even thinking back about it, I’m not really sure how it developed, it just did. I don’t really remember analyzing things and trying to figure out where I stood and where I thought it was heading. Will I know if/when a woman is really in love with me? Thinking about my past, I don’t feel like I will.
Because I have this fear of not being able to read where I stand in a relationship, I’m scared of not knowing if something is there or not. People have told me, it’s like riding a bike, it’ll all comeback once I end up there. My fear is that I haven’t learned to ride that bike yet. I’m 33 now, and I don’t want to skin my knees trying to learn.
That’s what scares me...
I think it is more like riding a waterslide. You get to go where it takes you. You don't know what is coming next and that is ok. That's what makes it such a great ride sometimes. You'll probably take a few knocks on the journey and might get water up your nose (ok - almost done with the analogy) but you'll be laughing when you get to the end.
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