So yesterday was a really rough day for me. I got a promotion yesterday morning and that was pretty exciting for a little while. I texted some friends, I threw it out on Facebook and it was great to get all kinds of encouraging words. But then I had this desire to go back to my old normal. I wanted to share my excitement with Jennifer. When you are married to someone for 11 years, you get kinda of used to sharing with them. All of our highs and lows for those years, we shared. And now, I have this exciting high and my natural reaction is to want to share it with her… But in my new normal, that’s not how it works anymore.
Then I come home, for the time being it’s the 2nd bedroom in my brother’s condo, (which I appreciate more than words can express) and my brother and sister in law are having another couple over to play games. I was invited to participate, but I have my backwards moments and last night was one of them, so I declined. Well listening to them to laugh and have a good time reminded me more of my old normal. In my old normal we had good friends that we would get together with and play games, laugh and have a good time. In my new normal, that really doesn’t happen much…
My therapist tells me that it’s natural to have these swings when I will get sad looking at my new normal and comparing it to my old normal. He said it’s a roller coaster and eventually I will look around and my new normal would seem, well normal… For right now, my new normal doesn’t feel very normal, and sometimes that makes me sad.
Today was better. And it helps to get it written out. I know that there is a future out there for me where my new normal, feels good. God promises it. But for now, all I have is my current normal, and as hard as it is at times, I will do my best to be content with it.
Like everyone, my "normal" has changed many times over the years, from little changes to major adjustments. But I recall a time about 12 years ago when a good friend of mine committed suicide. That was just about the most awful thing to experience. It seemed like every night Natalie and I just cried about it and one night she asked, "When will we feel normal again?"
ReplyDeleteAnd it was in that moment that I realized my life would never be normal again. At least not the normal I knew up to the point that I got the phone call about him dying.
The m-w.com definition of normal is, "conforming to a type, standard, or regular pattern."
Look at that definition and then look at the human experience - life is never going to be normal. It may be normal for awhile, but then it's going to change. And after another period of time, it's going to change again.
I think your therapist is right that eventually this normal will seem normal for you. As humans, we've learned to adapt and (eventually) accept new normals. It's just that some are easier to accept than others.
I've been enjoying your blog, but I usually read from my phone, where it's much more challenging to post comments.